Tuesday, January 24, 2012


A friend of mine who considers himself a "good, God-fearing Republican" told me he's praying for "God's man to be chosen" for the Republican nomination. I believe God loves everyone and has been working with screwed up people throughout history, so maybe divine intervention could come into play for the GOP... but I have my doubts. Why am I skeptical? After watching the debates last night, it's hard to believe God is the one setting up kings out of the current cast of characters in the political parade.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the show last night. Newt's an incredible actor. I'm not sure if he's Method or Meisner, but he's very versatile. I've seen him play a self-righteous moralist leading the crusade to spend $40 million in taxpayer's money to impeach Clinton, even though Newt had his own mistress at the same time. In the Dole era, he nailed the part of Ebenezer Scrooge when he wanted to cut social programs like Medicare and Medical for older folks in nursing homes. If Clinton didn't capitulate, Gingrich threatened to shut down the government. Thankfully, Clinton didn't cave. The government shut down but the medical assistance for the elderly remained intact, which 90% of nursing home patients depend on. Last night, he nailed the part of the statesman above the fray. He's brilliant. An absolute master. I mailed in my ballot today for voting for Best Actor for the SAG Awards and surprisingly Newt's name wasn't there beside Leo and George and Brad. If they make another "Left Behind" movie, Newt has the chameleon qualities and political savvy to nail the part of the Antichrist who sways the masses with a changing political persona. Despite his thespian brilliance and debating skills, Obama would wipe the floor with him in the general election because too many Americans remember Newt's other roles.

Speaking of charisma or the lack thereof, I don't understand Ron Paul's appeal yet. He has fans that treat him like a rock star and mortgage their homes to send him campaign money. Paul's done decent things, he's a doctor who delivered a lot of babies. Maybe he's been so close to life, that he feels strongly against the death and destruction of our foreign policy. Wouldn't it be nice if his sentiment about America not spending more money in other countries like Iraq and Afghanistan were truly considered in his party? Realistically, the Republicans are too addicted to militaristic intervention to take him seriously. Imagine if we heeded the medical experts who say the same amount of billions of dollars spent on Iraq is the amount of money needed for research to find a cure for cancer. I'd trade a cancer cure for the Iraq war any day.

Rick Santorum and Ron Paul are both from my hometown of Pittsburgh. I'm proud of anyone from the burgh who makes a mark nationally. It's just like when I go to a diner and see the Heinz ketchup bottle on the table. I show the label to the person I'm eating with and tell them my Mom once worked at Heinz. "MADE IN PITTBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA..." Everyone likes ketchup but not everyone likes Rick Santorum. Santorum said something interesting about gays. He said if he accepted gays, it would start a "slippery slope" and people would start marrying pets and trees. Rick warned we'd see an outbreak of "man on dog" relationships. This made me think of Gloria, a guitar student of mine. She's single, middle-aged, lonely, and battles weight issues due to a thyroid and glandular disorder. She has several cats. Her favorite is Morris, a Siamese named for the TV cat from Nine Lives Catfood commercials. Her cats treat her better than any guy ever has. Out of desperation, Gloria tried to meet guys on internet dating sites. She attracted predators who misrepresented their identity and marital status and pressured her for sex than vanished like Houdini. She's quit dating.... but maybe Santorum gives hope. "Man on dog" marriages could create a "slippery slope" that could lead to "woman on cat" relationships and Gloria can marry Morris. Morris the cat would never leave the toilet seat up. His paws can't grasp like human hands. He wouldn't be like the vanishing men who won't return her texts. He purrs every time she pets him.

Romney is the most solid and plastic presidential candidate the Republicans have, but now they are sniping at him for being a rich CEO. I think they temporarily forgot they are Republicans so they can pick on the frontrunner. I predicted in my last political note he would lose South Carolina based on my knowledge of the Bible Belt. Southern fundamentalists are suspicious of Romney being Mormon in the same way they were suspicious of JFK being Catholic. I predict Romney will win Florida by releasing TV ads reminding snowbirds of the other roles Newt has played in the past.

Ron Paul will go all the way to the convention and talk about liberty. Santorum will probably avoid talking any further about man on dog relationships, because if he does, I'll be less proud of him being from Pittsburgh and stick to bragging about ketchup.